


Dementors and Difficult Questions

by eyerite



Series: Snapetober 2020 [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Basically, Day 6, Dementors, Patronus Charm, Platonic Love, Snapetober 2020, and also how i write it lol, i'm not sure when this story happens but also i don't really care, lily is mentioned but she is already dead, that's how i read it anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyerite/pseuds/eyerite
Summary: Severus runs into a problem while gathering potions ingredients during the summer. The aftermath brings up some unanswered questions.
Series: Snapetober 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952878
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Dementors and Difficult Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! 
> 
> This is the third one I'm uploading today, so I hope that isn't too noticeable (from errors and whatnot). As I mentioned before; I'm mostly writing these to get back into the feeling of writing (for fun), so don't be too hard on me!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

There were only a few times that Severus had come across dementors in the flesh, and none of them had been as incredibly ill-timed as this one: he was roaming a forest in Eastern Europe, looking for potions ingredients during his summer vacation, when suddenly a cold chill crept in. He stopped moving instantly, and drew his wand - there weren’t many creatures that could have an effect as marked as this one.

He’d been afraid of this; encountering dementors when he was alone, no one else around who could conjure a patronus. Ever since he’d learned of the effect that summoning a patronus could have on dark wizards, he’d been afraid to try it. Of all the ways to go, being eaten alive by maggots seemed like one of the worst ones.

It seemed, however, that fate was unwilling to let him off the hook. The chill grew more pronounced, and soon he could see his breath on the air, coming out in nervous puffs. His heart was pounding, but he knew he could either succumb immediately, or risk a nasty death by trying to save himself.

Inaction had never been his style.

He adjusted his grip on his wand, and raised it enough to be at the ready. He didn’t have to wait long: six dementors appeared from between the trees, all focused on him. 

Severus felt the fear and despair clawing at his throat; it seemed to enter his body with the cold air, worming its tendrils in through his nose to spread terror throughout his entire body. He tensed up, and it became hard to move, even though his mind was screaming at his lips to form the words that would (maybe) save his life.

The dementors advanced, gaining on him quickly as he stood frozen in fear. Soon, it would be too late: they’d be so close that he wouldn’t have enough time to get the words out before their inevitable kiss. For a few chilling moments he thought he wouldn’t be able to gather the courage, then the words rushed from his mouth and a beautiful silver doe sprang forth from the tip of his wand.

He watched in disbelief as  _ her _ patronus chased off the cloaked figures of the dementors and then graciously bounded back towards him. She looked him in the eye with large, silvery eyes, before vanishing into thin air.

Severus shook. His knees buckled and failed under his weight, leaving him to crash to the damp earth. He stayed there, lying on the ground, for several long minutes; he couldn’t believe what he had seen. He couldn’t believe that  _ Lily’s  _ patronus had sprung from his very own wand to save his sorry life.

He was simultaneously elated and terrified; what could it mean? How had this happened?

He’d loved her a lot, that was certain. And he’d been devastated when she’d died. But had that truly been enough for his patronus to turn into hers? Could her kindness when no one else had cared about him have been enough to make him love her so deeply that they were still tied together in this way? 

He’d never really examined how he’d felt about her, especially not after she’d told him to leave her alone. It’d been easier to just ignore her and everything to do with her as best he could. He’d shoved every last inkling of feeling down into the deepest recesses of his mind and kept it locked there with an iron will.

She’d been his best friend. She’d been the only person who had ever seemed to  _ truly _ care about him, about who he was as a person rather than what he could do for someone else. He’d known belonging with her; he’d clung to her as tightly as he’d dared. It had broken him when he’d yelled  _ that _ word at her in a fit of rage; he’d never wanted to hurt her. He’d never meant to say that. He’d never even  _ meant _ it.

He’d just been trying to protect himself during a vulnerable moment, but in doing so, he had ruined everything.

She hadn’t understood. Which was fair. He wasn’t sure he’d have forgiven her either, if the roles had been reversed. Still, he’d never been as sorry as he had been that day.

But he’d never  _ wanted _ her. Had never  _ loved _ her the way he thought love would feel. It had never been anything other than platonic, no matter how much everyone else had thought it was.

So how could it be that  _ her _ patronus had taken the place of his own?

He had no answers, but he knew who might be able to shed some light on the situation; he had to talk to the Headmaster.

Without thinking twice, he activated the illegal portkey he was carrying, and was pulled back to the apparition point outside of Hogwarts.

With Dumbledore’s help, he’d get to the bottom of this.


End file.
